The Uncomfortable Truth About Family Money in Retirement

"I've spent 30 years being the family safety net, but now I'm terrified I won't have enough for myself."
This concern is increasingly common among Washington public employees approaching or entering retirement. The statistics confirm this worry is well-founded: three in five retirees are sacrificing their own financial security to support adult children [1]. What's most troubling is that most never planned to be in this position.
The Hidden Retirement Crisis Nobody Talks AboutHere's a truth that Washington state and local government employees need to understand: Having a stable pension doesn't make you immune to family financial pressure. In fact, sometimes it makes things worse.
Why? Because when family knows you have a guaranteed income from PERS, TRS, LEOFF or another state pension system, you often become the go-to person for financial emergencies. And that's where things can get complicated.
Many public employees find their carefully built emergency funds depleted by helping family members with "temporary" situations that eventually become ongoing expectations. This pattern can seriously threaten retirement security, even for those with defined benefit pensions.
The New Rules of Family FinanceSetting boundaries isn't about saying "no" to loved ones—it's about protecting your ability to say "yes" when it really matters. For Washington public employees, this means creating a sustainable approach to family financial support.
Here's what's working for many retirees:
Create Your Financial FirewallOne effective strategy is creating a "Family Fund"—a separate account specifically designated for helping family [2]. Once this fund is depleted for the year, that's it. No exceptions.
This simple approach offers multiple benefits:
·       Family members know exactly what help is available
·       You avoid feeling guilty when saying no once the fund is depleted
·       Your core retirement savings remain protected
The Conversation That Changes EverythingConsider using language like this when discussing financial boundaries:
"I love you, and I want to be here for you. But I need to be honest about what I can and can't do financially. Let's talk about other ways I can help."
The key is having this conversation in a calm, private setting [3]—not during a crisis when emotions are running high.
Beyond Money: Support That Actually WorksMany Washington public employees have valuable expertise that can be more helpful than direct financial support. Consider offering:
·       Help creating realistic budgets
·       Guidance navigating tough financial decisions
·       Connections to resources for skill development
·       Emotional support during financial struggles [4]
This approach often leads to improved relationships and greater financial independence for family members in the long run.
A Strategic Approach for Public EmployeesFor Washington public servants looking to protect their retirement security while maintaining family harmony, consider these strategies:
1. Set Clear Numerical Boundaries·       Calculate exactly how much you can afford to give annually
·       Create specific guidelines for different types of assistance [3]
·       Review these numbers yearly as your situation changes
·       Consider your pension's COLA adjustments when planning long-term
2. Build a Professional Shield·       Work with a financial advisor familiar with Washington public employee benefits
·       Have this professional explain your financial limitations to family when necessary
·       Use them as an objective third party in difficult financial conversations
·       Review your DRS pension and DCP account projections together to illustrate your actual financial position
Your retirement income might need to last 30 years or more—a long time to maintain family harmony while protecting your financial security.
For Washington's public employees, the good news is that setting boundaries doesn't mean choosing between your needs and your family's. It means creating a sustainable way to help loved ones without sacrificing the retirement security you've earned through your years of public service.
Your pension provides valuable security, but it's not unlimited. Protecting it with thoughtful boundaries ensures you can maintain your independence while still being there for your family when it truly matters.
Sources[1] https://www.investmentnews.com/industry-news/most-parents-have-made-a-financial-sacrifice-to-help-their-adult-children/254006
[2] https://www.myfico.com/credit-education/blog/balance-helping-family
[3] https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/how-to-set-financial-boundaries/
[4] https://www.cnb.com/private-banking/insights/share-wealth-with-family.html

-Seth Deal